To My Friends ...

Since this is strictly personal and nothing to do with my career as a writer or publisher, I wanted to put this here instead of my main website. It's not about my weight loss (though an unofficial weigh-in this morning puts me down into the 250s!), but there is something worth saying.

Last afternoon, I got a phone call from a friend I've literally known over thirty years—someone who I used to speak to every day and saw almost as much during the time we were neighbors. This morning I ran into a friend that was really there for me during the early separation from my ex-wife, who went out of her way to help me in ways both practical and emotional. And today I had to turn down an invitation from someone I adore—a woman I dated for a while and with whom still want to maintain a friendship, someone who also has gone out of her way to help me and my family. I absolutely want to keep her in my life.

It's not important that all three of these women share the same first name, even if it's an odd coincidence.

I know that in at least one of the friends mentioned above, there are hurt feelings and at least a little resentment that I'm ignoring or rejecting them. And they are not alone. I've experienced some of the same emotions from other friends who I used to chat with online more, talk to on the phone, or see out and about.

My feelings? Awful. I hate the feeling that I've let anyone down, that I'm not returning the attention, kindness, and favors that have been generously given to me. And I don't like the fact that I'm missing out on good times with some of my favorite people.

I hate making excuses, but there's not a lot of help for it in this case. For a while at least, my situation is what it is and there is less of me to go around than there ever has been before. In less than a year my life has taken a number of crazy turns. Currently ...

I'm a Single Dad. I'm now taking care of a thirteen-year-old girl and a ten-year-old boy, both in school. I live in a home with no other family, so I have to get everyone to/from school, cook meals, clean, do laundry, etc. on my own. And while they don't need 100% supervision at all times, I can't just go out like I did while the children were with their mother. I have to arrange for them to stay somewhere or get a babysitter.

I'm Working. I'm self-employed, and as anyone who's done this knows it's even more stressful than having a "regular" job. I have flexibility, but in return that means I'm always behind where I could be. I'm simultaneously pushing forward as a game publisher and freelance writer while tip-toeing my way into eBook publishing as well. I maintain a professional office in Marietta and have set up a desk in my bedroom so I can work from home whenever is necessary. Which is a lot. Right now I'm behind on several important projects—both for me and others, and I'm scrambling to catch up. (I should be working on those instead of this, but I really want my friends to understand.)

My Family Needs Me. Things are a little nuts in my family right now. My Mother is getting married a little over a week. (Congratulations, Mom!) We are still in the process of shuffling three households around (Mom's, my sister's, and mine) between Woodstock and Canton. My kids have needed plenty of extra care, including my son getting his tonsils out recently and still not quite back in school yet. And my youngest sister is having so many complications from her knee surgery over a year ago that she's not sleeping and on heavy medication, preventing her from being able to drive herself to work—so several days a week I spend extra time in the car for that purpose. None of this is easy, but we take care of each other in my family.

Travel! I've got a busy convention season coming up. I've been invited out to a lot of shows this year and it's a great opportunity to show off my new games and projects. I'm already going to have to figure things out with my family so that my children are taken care of when I leave town. Just see my schedule to get an idea of how nuts the next few months are going to be. Also means that more than a few weekends are just gone.

I Have a Girlfriend. For just a little while longer it's long-distance, but I've been blessed to find love again in my life. I don't get to talk to my girlfriend as much as I'd like and see her even less, but I try to take advantage of what opportunities we have with each other. Things are changing on that front soon, and when she moves I can't wait to introduce her to my circle of family and friends.

To my friends who've felt ignored, rejected, or neglected: I apologize. I have no doubt I could have done better to stay in touch, figured out better ways to manage my time or handle my schedule. (These are some of my weakest areas!) But please understand that I didn't just decide you weren't worth my time. I love you, care for you, and miss you. Things won't always be this complicated and crazy, and I hope that you'll stick around long enough for the dust to settle and be a part of my new life.

** Jamie